5000 AND COUNTING

I got my 5000th hit cherry today, I think B.Good got it! Thanks to everyone for coming by my little site. I started the counter off with a high number because I didn't want to start from zero. I never thought it would ever get that high and I guess if I posted more it would help. To celebrate, everyone is invited to to my office for an orgy. By the way, does anyone know how many people it takes for it to be classified as an orgy?

WHAT IS LOVE...

I was talking to my friend Rob the other day and the topic of love came up (Is it strange that two guys talk about that?). It seems Rob has feelings for two women, or as he puts it "I like fucking both of them". As we sat in the Rose garden and sipped on our 1995 Chateau Margaux (Insert fake laughter here)Rob was telling me how broccoli made him feel bloated and how he had another little predicament, he had deep feelings for both women.
Rob is kinda old school in thinking that you can only have one love and one love only (why do you keep looking at me like that, guys can talk about this). I could tell this was bugging him so I ask him to explain the feelings, I thought he would say that one tickles his ass while giving him a blow job and the other one rides him like a rodeo bull or something. Actually, he said with both of them he was snuggling after sex and staring into their eyes for what felt like hours (OK, now I'm getting uncomfortable) and had that warm fuzzy feeling all over. He went on to tell me that it didn't matter if had sex with either one, he just enjoyed being around them.
After pulling the thermometer out of his ass to make sure he wasn't running a fever and checking him for spider bites I realized he was serious...maybe he was in love with both of them. I didn't know what to tell him so I gave him a pamphlet I had found on my windshield about converting to the Mormon faith so he could have more than one wife and started talking about the NCAA tournament. I figured this one he needed to work out without my intervention.
I know when you do find that certain someone that you can "stare into their eyes forever and get that "fuzzy" feeling,that more than likely you don't go looking for another person. I've known people that have went for years and not found a true love. I guess it is possible to fall in love with two people although it would take a hell of a juggling act to do it. Hmmn, I think I need to ponder this a little longer while I finish my beer, I mean my Chateau Margaux. (Insert laughter)

WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHY THE FUCK...

I don't usually post anything but sex stories (a fellow blogger told me I needed to post more than three times a year, and she is right!) so I thought I would just do a WTF post on different shit for a change of pace.

WTF is up with Britney Spears? Why shave that pretty little head? If you want attention I will personally volunteer my time to make a sex tape with you (call me) and post it on YouTube. Personally I think you will get more attention that way, it did wonders for Paris Hilton's career, she was in the news and on every little boy's computer screens for a long time. So Britney, I have my camcorder ready, battery charged, I don't have a night vision camera so we will have to do it with the lights on. It will be the best 30 second porn movie out there, but bring a wig please, I don't want to feel like I doing a dude!
WTF is going on with the paternity case involving Anna Nicole's baby? They should have turned the case over to Montell, he could have determined the father in just one show! And while we are at it, WTF are they fighting over who gets the body. They should put them on Jerry Springer to fight it out and the last one standing gets her...and for God's sake please bury her.
WTF is pussy so hard to find when your not dating or attached to someone. Put put a ring on your finger or be dating someone and all of a sudden your cup runneth over. Are guys more desirable when they are taken?
WTF do I get a hard-on at the most inopportune times? It usually happens in a very public place when you don't have anything to hide it with.
WTF is Dave Chappelle?
WTF is Freaky's "Fuck it Friday" post, I know you got some "Fuck it's" in you Freaky!
WTF is up with people taking up the whole fucking isle in a grocery store! How much fucking room do you need anyway
WTF are there so many types of condoms? You end up spending too much valued pussy time staring at the boxes trying to figure out which one to buy. Too thin and you get to spend your nights feeding and burping babies, too thick and you can't feel nothing, too many ribs and knobs and you stand the chance of tearing her pussy up and ending your night.
WTF would I drive 4 hours for pussy? I will answer that...because it is well worth it.

Feel free to comment and add some to it. Have a good weekend!

TEN THINGS TO KILL AN ERECTION

I was flipping through channels the other night and caught a soft porn movie on Cinemax............OK you got me , I knew it was on. Even though it wasn't a good movie, I still like to watch. They are somewhat humorous in that the fucking is noticeably fake. Now don't get me wrong, it's still good enough to give me a hard-on. What is funny is how the guy just rubs his dick against her, no long thrust, no balls slapping her ass...Nothing! My question is...How does he keep from getting a full blown rock hard woodie. If I was at the plate batting, I would be swinging some wood. There were two conclusions I came up with, either he is gay and not interested in women or he has tremendous mind control. Now at times, guys use a type of mind control to keep us from cumming too soon, so we don't dissatisfy you ladies. So,with the help of a fellow blogger we will discuss some ideas a guy can use.

****WARNING****

The following ideas when used improperly may cause erectile dysfunction

1. Think about sports: This is the one most guys use and it works pretty well, unless your a diehard fan that gets a hard on from sports.

2.Start an off the wall conversation: "Can you believe how well the Dow Jones is doing" or "I just read the best article on keeping slugs out of your garden."

3. Watch "The View"

4. Think about your school lunch lady, the one with the big mole...with the big black hairs coming out of it.

5. Imagine your parents having sex: Too much of this one may have you spending time on a couch.

6. Tape a picture of Flavor Flav to the back of her head.

7. Imagine your 80 year old Grandmother on stage at a strip club.

8. Think about the rape scene from Deliverance.

9. Rosie O'Donnell

10. Rosie O'Donnell nude covered in butter smelling like day old tuna.

MY MINI MEME

It's been way too long since I posted anything, not that I have lost interest in the blog, but work has really kept me away from the blogging universe and I have really missed it. I thought I would start back with a meme. I've never done a meme before but here is my shot at it. I have borrowed some questions from other blogs and some are my own.

Are there any memorable moments from 2006? I would like to remember where I was at from August through December. Other than that....no.

What age were you when you lost your virginity? 16

Did you graduate High School? Yes, but I hated English as you can see in my blog!

Did you go to College? Yes I went to college, but only to see my girlfriend. I never attended class but I did do some Shakespeare outside the womens dorm..."Julie, would you come and open the fuckin' door, it's cold out here"!

Have you ever participated in a three way? No......well there was this time that I was pretty fucked up and........uhmm, no I have not.

Have you ever been "hit on" by a member of the same sex? Yes

Would you have sex with someone of the same sex? Hell no!! Just who the fuck is asking these questions anyway?

When you said "no", does that really mean maybe? I see that I'm dealing with a real smart-ass here...Fuck you!

You would like to, wouldn't you? GO TO HELL!! Next question please!

Have you ever had sex in a public place? Yes, but it was after dark.

Have you ever ran naked in a public area? Yes, to get away from the cops in the above area!

Do you masterbate? Occasionally

Do you use any props or look at pictures while masterbating? Sometimes, but I like to put my arm to sleep so it feels like someone else is doing it for me.

What was the worst sex you ever had? The worst was with G.G, I would rank it being close to having sex with a corpse, except when I deflowered her and lost the hearing in my right ear. (See the "Basic Training" post)

What was the best sex you ever had? The best was with S.C, she was eight years older than me. I was her clay and she molded me.....boy, did she mold me!

Have you ever had anal sex? No....Well, there was this time when I was pretty fucked up and.....Uhmm, no I have never done it.

Do you prefer pussy shaven or unshaven? I like it either way as long as it is trimmed close, but prefer shaven.

Do you use any "toys" during sex? I have used a vibrator on my partner before, but I have never used anything on myself.

What was your most embarrassing moment during sex? I farted on my first girlfriend during sex.

What was your overall most embarrassing moment? My girlfriends mother was looking through some of our vacation pictures and she kept staring at a certain one....the one my girlfriend took of my hard cock one morning.

If one of your friends wife or girlfriend wanted to have sex with you...would you? No, that is one line I do not cross.

Would you consider doing a porn movie? Yes, but I may have trouble with the lines.
Instead of oral, oral, missionary, cowboy, doggie, back to missionary, then money shot. Mine would be oral....money shot.

Do you prefer younger or older women? Right now, I really don't have a preference. When I was younger I liked the older women.

How much time do you spend on foreplay? I like for my partner to climax once or twice before moving on to other things, So I will spend as much time as I need to.

One final question....If you could have sex with someone famous, who would it be? Geez, that is a hard one to narrow down....I guess it probably would be Beyonce, beautiful face, nice tits, great ass, Hmm..... If you will excuse me....I feel my arm going to sleep.

A NIGHT AT THE RAMADA

I was fresh out of a divorce feeling down in the dumps, pissed off and every other kind of emotion you can feel and my good friend Rob had taken it upon himself to watch over me and to make sure I stayed drunk through this ordeal.
We took off to the Ramada one night, it was laid back place and they had a live band three times a week and all of the beer we could drink.

We sat drinking our beer at a corner table, listening to the band, when I noticed a man and a woman sitting a couple of tables away. They were talking to each other then they would look at me. I was getting a little self conscious because they kept looking at me. Finally the guy got up and came over and introduced himself "Hey, my name is Greg, didn't we go to high school together?" I struggled with my thoughts for a moment, the I remembered him "Yeah, you were a couple of years older then me" I replied "Why don't you come over to my table" he said "I want you to meet someone." I grabbed my drink and told Rob I would be back in a moment.

We sat down at his table and he introduced me to the lady sitting there "This is Sherry, my sister" he said "She had her eye on you since you came through the door." She had a look of embarrassment on her face, "I'm Duane" I said smiling "Could I get you a drink?" "Sure" she said "I'll have a rum and Coke". I found myself staring at Sherry, she was a very pretty lady with black hair and blue eyes. She had a wonderful figure and large breast, which were revealed with the low cut dress she was wearing.

In the meantime, Greg excused himself from the table and left us alone. "I'm sorry" she said "I hope Greg didn't bother you". "Not at all" I said "This is my first time here, I usually don't go to any bars but my buddy dragged me out tonight. "I'm glad you talked you into coming" she said as she lowered her drink from her lips. My eyes were drawn to her lips as she licked the wetness from them, she had the most beautiful lips, full and sexy.

We continued some small talk at the table and had a few more drinks then I asked her if she would like to dance. "That would be great" she said "Its been a while since I've danced". "Me too" I replied "I'm not a very good dancer, but what the hell, lets give it a try."

As soon as we reached the dance floor, the band started playing a slow song. I pulled her close to me and stared into her eyes. At first it was a little awkward, but she stared back at me and I began feeling more comfortable. For whatever reason the mood struck me to kiss her. I began giving her a very sensuous kiss and before long her tongue found its way into my mouth. We stood on the dance floor kissing, not dancing at all. She pressed her body very firmly into mine and it wasn't long before I found my dick growing harder. "Am I getting you excited?" she whispered "I usually don't ask this, but do you want to go some where else?" My answer was a quick yes, how could I not go. I was more turned on by her kiss than I ever was by anyone else.

I told Rob I was leaving for a little while and would be back later. I put my arm around Sherry as we left the bar. "I've got an apartment close by if you want to go there." she asked "I hope this isn't going too fast for you, but it shocked me when you kissed me in there, but I have never been so turned on by a kiss."

As we entered her apartment, she closed the door behind us then turned to me and started giving me another long kiss, I then pulled her body firmly into mine. She started making a low moaning sound as I pressed my cock against her. That was all both of us could stand, we started taking each other's clothes off quickly. Before I could get my pants off, she pushed me onto her couch and grabbed my dick with her hand. "You have a nice cock" she said breathing heavily "It's been a while since I've had one in my mouth" with that said she placed her lips on top of my cock and I watched as it disappeared into her mouth.

It had been a while for me also and I almost came at that moment. She worked her hand up and down my shaft while her lips circled the head of my cock, she knew how to suck a cock and she was giving me a workout. I wanted her to finish the blowjob but I wanted my cock in her pussy badly.

I finished undressing her and sat her on the couch, my cock was rock hard and throbbing but I wanted to taste her pussy first. It had a sweet aroma to it and her juices were already flowing. My tongue first teased her clit with a gentle brushing that caused her to moan loudly and then pull my head into her cunt farther. I started sucking at her clit, then inserting my finger inside her. I knew I had found the spot by her body motion. Her hips started to rotate faster and she kept my head buried in her muff. "I need you to fuck me" she screamed "I want your cock in me now!" But I wasn't going to let up until she cum.

It didn't take long for that to happen, she started arching her back and rocking her hips harder than before. She was a very vocal person during sex as she shouted very loudly she was cumming. Her body then fell limp on the couch. She was trying to catch her breath as she pulled my head away from her pussy "I want your cock now" she said breathlessly.

I moved upwards away from her pussy, kissing her body along the way. I couldn't resist sucking on her hard nipples, they were just to inviting to pass up. Sherry slid her ass lower on the couch, trying to get in position to take my cock. Her legs wrapped my body and pulled me into her. With no effort my cock slid into her wet pussy. The feel of her pussy was like a tight warm glove had surrounded it. She placed her hands on my ass to direct my movements with hers. Every thrust into her pussy made me want to explode, never had I felt a pussy that fit my cock so well.

"Fuck me, oh god fuck me harder" she screamed. My mind was buzzing with pleasure and I could not hold out any longer, I started making long hard thrust inside her, I could feel the cum exit my cock everytime I plunged deep into her. The force of my explosion made my balls ache with pleasure as I emptied every drop of cum I had into her pussy.

I was exhausted as I collasped onto her, trying to catch my breath. She took her arms and hugged me very tightly while giving me a very passionate kiss. "This is just what I needed" she said "I don't think I've ever been fucked like this before". "Well I hope it was everything you expected" I replied. She smiled at me and said "It was everything and more".

We met every week for almost two years and I have to say she was of the best partners I have been with. But all good things sometimes come to an end, she was married and had commitments at home and I had to move along with life. But I will never forget that first night with her.

TOP TEN THINGS THAT MAKE MY DICK HARD

1. Having sex (or thinking about it)
2. Getting a blowjob (or thinking about it)
3. The receptionist at work
4. Women in bikinis
5. Dirty Debbie's blog
6. Des's blog
7. My doctor when she holds my balls and makes me cough
8. Porn movies
9. Phoebe Cates (ever since I saw her in Fast Times at Ridgemont High)
10. The female pharmacist at my local Walgreens

There are a few thousand things that make my dick hard, but these were recently tested.

BRAINDEAD

I was lucky enough to receive a "good morning"blowjob the last two days, and my brains has been in a fog (thinking about more blow jobs and pussy!). Maybe it will clear up in a few days! Hopefully it won't!

NAME THAT DICK

Once upon a time, I had a girlfriend who thought it would be fun to name our genatalia. At the time I was young and I thought it might be "cute" to name them. We were each to pick out a name for the other one and here is how it went.

Her: What name did you pick for mine?
Me: How about Rose, soft and sweet!
Her: I love it, I've got a list for yours. I couldn't decide on just one.
Me: Well let's hear them
Her: How about Mr. Happy?
Me: Too gay
Her: Well what about Mr. Winkie?
Me: No!
Her: Mr. Handy?
Me: No!
Her: Hankie?
Me: No!
Her: Junior?
Me: No!
Her: Little Willie?
Me: No! What is it with the little sounding names?
Her: Well, it's not that b..
Me: Nevermind, go on
Her: Mr. Wiggly?
Me: Hell No!
Her: Mr. Friendly?
Me: Your going gay again!
Her: This is going nowhere, what names do you like?
Me: What about Thor or Zeus?
Her: Get real, it's not a Greek God type!
Me: The Penanator or Bigfoot?
Her: Your going the wrong way.
Me: Dick?
Her: (sigh) Get real!
Me: How about Peter?
Her: It's better than nothing, Peter and Rose, what a lovely sounding couple! (sarcastic)

So we ended the name choosing and so far I have refused to do that with anyone else, unless they agree with the name Muff Missile or something! Maybe we could do a poll on the names sometime.

TALK DIRTY TO ME

Sometimes a little nasty talking can make sex great, it can add some spice to it. Although for some people if it is too nasty or the words don't come out right, it can be useless.
There was instance where a lady and I had consumed quite a bit of wine and we got in such a "Nast-fest" that we couldn't look each other straight in the eye the next morning. We couldn't remember half of what we said, but it was nasty!

Have you ever gotten distracted and something stupid came out or was thinking of two different words and you combined them together. For guys, when the "other" head takes over there's not much going through the main head so we can say anything and not realize it.

I've tried to come up with a few phases men would like to hear during sex.

1. Oh my god! You've got the biggest cock I've ever seen!
2. Your the best fuck I've ever had!
3. Oh god, oh...oh...oh fuck me...oh...oh...oh god...oh...oh...oh god your huge...oh...ect...
4. "Fuck me first" "No, He's fucking me first" "Shut up you two, he's fucking me first!"
5. You know I'm an heiress with lots of money...wanna be my toy!

Well there is only five, but these would be plenty!

THE DEMON INSIDE

I am usually a nice easy going person, I'm polite and open doors for women all of the time, but when it comes around to having sex I feel a little demon in me awaken.
When I was on a date as a teenager I would put some soft music on to be a little romantic and kiss around for what seemed like hours, most of the time I wouldn't make a move on the girl until she made the first one. I probably missed out on more pussy back then that I care to remember. We would kiss and kiss until my dick seemed like it was going to burst at the seams (If a dick has seams) but I always felt like it was her decision whether or not to go farther.
I remember the first time the "demon" came out, my girlfriend and I had been dating for several months and we just started having frequent sex. It was the usual grunting, moaning and groaning when all of a sudden I became caught up in the moment and yelled "Oh yeah, fuck me baby!" Well the sex stopped right then. She had taken that as a derogatory statement and until I "Found out the difference between fucking and making love" I was not getting back into her pants.
Well being cut off from sex then was life threatening, it took a lot of effort to get some and I was not going to be cut off again, so I suppressed the demon.
It wasn't for several years and several beers that the demon showed himself again. This time it was with a older recently divorced lady that I met at the Ramada Inn bar (more on that on a future post). We were both pretty much shit faced and just started in our session when the demon again yelled "Fuck me baby" only this time it was returned with "Oh I'm going to fuck the hell out of you". Holy shit! I'm getting into this, and so it started a shouting match between two demons for the rest of the night, and it felt good. It was like getting rid of all of my aggression and it made the orgasm's so much more intense, so intense that my dick looked like a flat tire afterwards.
I have my demon under control now, letting him loose only when I feel my partner can handle him. Later!

NEED ADVICE...ASK DEAR FREAKY

Do you need advice on love, sex or relationships? ask Dear Freaky. Go to http://antisocialvoices.blogspot.com/ and send Freaky a email with your problem and put Dear Freaky in the subject line. You may not get the answer your looking for, but have fun with it!

IT'S RAINING PUSSY

Every day I check my email I have loads of messages saying the following: 12 women in your town want to meet you tonight or Hi, my name is Janie and I saw your profile on the internet and Horny single woman wants to fuck you tonight or DRC I'm available tonight call me. From the way they read ole DRC ought to be able to have a long list of women, all I need to do is a little window shopping on a couple of websites and....and it don't work like that!
I decided to go undercover and join one of the major sites to see what was going on. Do you notice they lure you in with some hot looking women, well most of that is fake pussy. If you contact them it leads you to another site wanting you to join it. I got a few replies from women that lived 1200 miles away from me, they said hi and thanks for the compliments, but I'm not driving 1200 miles to get some. I received no replies from anyone local and to be truthful I'm glad most of them didn't. I did get a reply from a woman in Russia, a very beautiful lady. It was one of those scam letters they do wanting you to send money so they can fly over to meet you, fuck that! Most of the women have not checked their profile in months. They want you to believe that there are more women than men looking for sex, when in reality it's probably 25 men to every woman.
I'm sure there are people every day hooking up on these sites, but I bet the biggest part of them don't. There is one thing I've discovered about pussy, when you really want it you can't find it. Is there a signal that it gives out when a dick comes by? Lookout here comes a dick everyone hide.
I guess it's off to the Ramada Inn to hit on some desperate, drunk, unhappy at home, drunk, ain't had sex in a year, drunk, watched too much Lifetime TV, drunk women.

ABBY

About 3 weeks after my first wife and I got divorced, I got a call from a girl I went to high school with. It had been 8 years since graduation and she had moved away before the year was over. Abby was a beautiful girl in school, always smiling and nice to everyone, she was the girl you took home to meet your mother. We never dated in school, just good friends.

During our conversation she told me she had just moved back to town and was getting a divorce from her husband. I asked her if she would like to go to dinner one evening just to cry on each others shoulders and talk. She accepted my invitation and we made plans for the next evening.

Abby had rented an older apartment where a lot of retired people lived. It was nothing spectacular but it was kept up very nice. She lived on the top floor and every step I took on the stairs squeaked and sounded like it would fall through. I reached her apartment and knocked on the door and when it opened there stood Abby, more beautiful than I remembered.

She gave me a quick kiss and told me to wait in the living room while she finished getting dressed. From the couch I could see her reflection in a hallway mirror. I watched her walk around her bedroom, going from one side to the next, brushing her hair and finishing her make up. She took off her shirt and placed it on the bed then reached to unsnap her bra, as soon as she removed it she glanced toward the mirror and noticed me watching. She walked to a part of the bedroom that couldn't be seen from the mirror and called for me.

"Oh shit" I thought to myself, "I've just embarrassed the crap out her". I walked to the bedroom to find her putting on a robe, "I know we have plans to go out" she said "But when I saw you looking at me in the mirror I felt something". "I know" she continued "That we have not seen each other in a while, but I always wanted to go out with you in school and..." She paused "I really want to be with you tonight". "Well," I replied "I can't think of anywhere else I want to be".

She stepped toward me and I placed my arms around her waist, as her lips touched mine I felt my body tingling all over. I slid my hands down her waist feeling the curves of her body as she pressed her pussy harder against my growing cock. She let out a moan as my hands pressed into her ass, I held her firmly pulling her down with me on the bed.

I could feel her heartbeat get quicker as she rubbed my cock through my pants. I let my hand slide under her robe and follow the contour of her ass down to her pussy. As my finger entered her wet cunt, she arched her back, pushing against my hand to drive my finger even deeper inside of her. As she raised up her robe opened exposing her breast, I leaned up far enough to reach her nipples with my tongue. Her breathing was very heavy and I couldn't stand the pressure of my cock bulging in my pants. I rolled her over on her back and as I knelt in front of her, she unbuttoned my pants and grabbed my swelled cock.

She pulled my cock toward her and placed her lips around it while she teased the head of it with her tongue. I almost exploded in her mouth at that moment and I struggled hard not to cum, but I wanted my cock in her pussy badly. I pulled my cock away from her and she immediately spread her legs and pulled my body down to hers. My cock entered her pussy without any effort, she then grabbed my ass with her hands and pulled me hard into her, she was screaming loudly with every stroke of my cock. "Oh my god" she screamed "It's been so long since,Oh god... fuck me baby! Hard baby! haarrdd..." She was struggling to talk between breaths and her bed was rocking violently "Oh baby your making me cum..." I could take it no longer and I exploded in her cunt, her nails dug into my ass as she pulled me deep inside of her, my cock was throbbing in her pussy, emptying every drop of cum I had. I pressed my lips against hers for one last passionate kiss, then both our bodies went limp.

Out of breath and completely lifeless we lay on her bed, Abby leans toward me and gives me a gentle kiss "You know," she said "I didn't plan on this but I'm glad it happened" she continued "I always thought you were cute in school" "Well" I replied "I thought you was the prettiest girl in school, I was too chicken to ask you out" "Maybe it was better you didn't" she said "You wouldn't have had this much fun back then, I stayed a virgin until I got married." Well" I said "I guess I held out long enough."

We passed on dinner that night and decided to stay in bed. I stayed with Abby that night and the next morning I offered to go get breakfast for us. She walked me down the creaky steps of her apartment and we were met by the older lady who live below her. "Hi dearie, is this your friend that was staying with you last night?" embarrassed somewhat Abby replied "I'm sorry Mrs. Edmonds, I hope we didn't disturb you." "Oh my goodness no dearie" Mrs. Edmonds replied "I listened for a while and found myself getting a little aroused so I asked Mr.Perkins from across the hall if he would like to come over for some coffee and between the coffee and the sounds from your apartment he got his first erection in 15 years." "Well that's great" Abby said "Sounds like you had a wonderful time also." "Oh my yes," said Mrs.Edmonds "oh and by the way honey, is your friend is coming over again tonight? "Yes" said Abby "He will be here, why?" Mrs.Edmonds grinned slightly and replied "Mr. Perkins was wanting to have coffee again!"

TO WENDY

Have you ever thought of someone from your past that can bring a smile to face? Wendy is mine, we were young and in love and later to be young and stupid. Sometimes mistakes are made and neither will swallow their pride until it's too late. Did you ever think that every decision you make takes you down a different road in life. I guess when you are young you don't realize it. We still talk on occasion but it's different lives now. You were the first I let in my heart and the picture of you will always stay with me.