FRIENDS

Over the years I developed some close friendships and I have the best two friends a guy could ask for, my ex-wife's brother Alan and a co-worker Mark, and between them there is never a dull moment. Mark is... Well lets say a free spirit minus the brains, not saying he's stupid, he just never thought things out. His outlook in life is "for every problem you have...There is a drink for it" I guess I'm lucky to be writing this now considering the things we got into.

Mark was always the pussy provider, that meaning the girl he was dating always had a friend or a sister that was in the need of a date and you probably know what "in need of a date" is, for those of you that don't it means photographically challenged or ugly! The phone call would usually start out with "Hey old man, I've just hooked you up with some pussy" and then "this girl I'm screwing has got a friend that needs some dick, now listen, she ain't the best to look at but I would fuck her". That was the key phrase "I would fuck her", because most of the time when he was drunk and would try to screw anything that walks around, it's good that we do not have any curious feelings about being gay or that would change this story.

So here I am, being the good friend, I usually said yes to help him out. The girls I remember the most were sisters, the one he dated, Amanda, was a knockout, big tits and beautiful, the other one was tall, skinny, no tits and had a deep voice, what a package! My girl was named Jane, a fitting name since she was built like "Jane Hathaway" from The Beverly Hillbillies, Jane always chugged her beer, she would turn it straight up and guzzle it down, the beer would spill out from around her mouth and run down her neck, but Jane liked to screw, so at least I had that going for me.

One night we were at his house and after putting a few drinks away Mark and Amanda headed of to his bedroom for a little activity, then Jane and I headed off to the other bedroom. About an hour later, we heard one of them leaving the bedroom and go into his only bathroom. Now only having one bathroom was not a problem for guys, if someone was in it we always relieved ourselves outside. So after hearing someone go into the bathroom we heard other footsteps heading for the back door, it was Mark sneaking out to take a piss. A few minutes of silence went by before all hell broke loose, Mark was screaming and cussing "Son-of-a-Bitch! Damn-it!", "somebody help me, there is something all over me!" I rushed and grabbed my pants and ran to the back door and flipped on a light and there stood Mark naked, covered with Yellow Jackets, it seems that Mark had pissed on their nest and they had taken it personal. (Now for those of you that think bees do not fly around at night, try spraying them with warm piss, it seems to arouse them slightly.)

Jane and I grabbed some towels and proceeded to knock those pest of him, Amanda grabbed some wasp spray and before I could stop her she drenched Mark with it. His scream of pain reached the pitch which only a dog could hear. The wasp spray had literally set his balls on fire. It wasn't easy getting him to the shower considering the way he was dancing around in pain. We finally got him washed down and calmed somewhat, he had received numerous stings to his dick and balls and was in a little state of shock by the time we got him to the emergency room. Needless to say he was the talk of the hospital for a while.

I went to see him the next day, he was sitting in his recliner with a ice pack and two Coors Lights on his crotch, "Hey dude" he said "take a look at this", his dick had swelled to three times its normal size, "by gosh, I wish it would stay that size" he remarked "Well why don't you take some pictures of it" I said "I already have" he smiled "I just downloaded them on the computer, and look you can add color to it and take the red blotches off and...." I just shook my head and smiled.