Friday, May 26, 2006

TOP TEN THINGS THAT MAKE MY DICK HARD

1. Having sex (or thinking about it)
2. Getting a blowjob (or thinking about it)
3. The receptionist at work
4. Women in bikinis
5. Dirty Debbie's blog
6. Des's blog
7. My doctor when she holds my balls and makes me cough
8. Porn movies
9. Phoebe Cates (ever since I saw her in Fast Times at Ridgemont High)
10. The female pharmacist at my local Walgreens

There are a few thousand things that make my dick hard, but these were recently tested.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

BRAINDEAD

I was lucky enough to receive a "good morning"blowjob the last two days, and my brains has been in a fog (thinking about more blow jobs and pussy!). Maybe it will clear up in a few days! Hopefully it won't!

Thursday, May 11, 2006

NAME THAT DICK

Once upon a time, I had a girlfriend who thought it would be fun to name our genatalia. At the time I was young and I thought it might be "cute" to name them. We were each to pick out a name for the other one and here is how it went.

Her: What name did you pick for mine?
Me: How about Rose, soft and sweet!
Her: I love it, I've got a list for yours. I couldn't decide on just one.
Me: Well let's hear them
Her: How about Mr. Happy?
Me: Too gay
Her: Well what about Mr. Winkie?
Me: No!
Her: Mr. Handy?
Me: No!
Her: Hankie?
Me: No!
Her: Junior?
Me: No!
Her: Little Willie?
Me: No! What is it with the little sounding names?
Her: Well, it's not that b..
Me: Nevermind, go on
Her: Mr. Wiggly?
Me: Hell No!
Her: Mr. Friendly?
Me: Your going gay again!
Her: This is going nowhere, what names do you like?
Me: What about Thor or Zeus?
Her: Get real, it's not a Greek God type!
Me: The Penanator or Bigfoot?
Her: Your going the wrong way.
Me: Dick?
Her: (sigh) Get real!
Me: How about Peter?
Her: It's better than nothing, Peter and Rose, what a lovely sounding couple! (sarcastic)

So we ended the name choosing and so far I have refused to do that with anyone else, unless they agree with the name Muff Missile or something! Maybe we could do a poll on the names sometime.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

TALK DIRTY TO ME

Sometimes a little nasty talking can make sex great, it can add some spice to it. Although for some people if it is too nasty or the words don't come out right, it can be useless.
There was instance where a lady and I had consumed quite a bit of wine and we got in such a "Nast-fest" that we couldn't look each other straight in the eye the next morning. We couldn't remember half of what we said, but it was nasty!

Have you ever gotten distracted and something stupid came out or was thinking of two different words and you combined them together. For guys, when the "other" head takes over there's not much going through the main head so we can say anything and not realize it.

I've tried to come up with a few phases men would like to hear during sex.

1. Oh my god! You've got the biggest cock I've ever seen!
2. Your the best fuck I've ever had!
3. Oh god, oh...oh...oh fuck me...oh...oh...oh god...oh...oh...oh god your huge...oh...ect...
4. "Fuck me first" "No, He's fucking me first" "Shut up you two, he's fucking me first!"
5. You know I'm an heiress with lots of money...wanna be my toy!

Well there is only five, but these would be plenty!

THE DEMON INSIDE

I am usually a nice easy going person, I'm polite and open doors for women all of the time, but when it comes around to having sex I feel a little demon in me awaken.
When I was on a date as a teenager I would put some soft music on to be a little romantic and kiss around for what seemed like hours, most of the time I wouldn't make a move on the girl until she made the first one. I probably missed out on more pussy back then that I care to remember. We would kiss and kiss until my dick seemed like it was going to burst at the seams (If a dick has seams) but I always felt like it was her decision whether or not to go farther.
I remember the first time the "demon" came out, my girlfriend and I had been dating for several months and we just started having frequent sex. It was the usual grunting, moaning and groaning when all of a sudden I became caught up in the moment and yelled "Oh yeah, fuck me baby!" Well the sex stopped right then. She had taken that as a derogatory statement and until I "Found out the difference between fucking and making love" I was not getting back into her pants.
Well being cut off from sex then was life threatening, it took a lot of effort to get some and I was not going to be cut off again, so I suppressed the demon.
It wasn't for several years and several beers that the demon showed himself again. This time it was with a older recently divorced lady that I met at the Ramada Inn bar (more on that on a future post). We were both pretty much shit faced and just started in our session when the demon again yelled "Fuck me baby" only this time it was returned with "Oh I'm going to fuck the hell out of you". Holy shit! I'm getting into this, and so it started a shouting match between two demons for the rest of the night, and it felt good. It was like getting rid of all of my aggression and it made the orgasm's so much more intense, so intense that my dick looked like a flat tire afterwards.
I have my demon under control now, letting him loose only when I feel my partner can handle him. Later!

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

NEED ADVICE...ASK DEAR FREAKY

Do you need advice on love, sex or relationships? ask Dear Freaky. Go to http://antisocialvoices.blogspot.com/ and send Freaky a email with your problem and put Dear Freaky in the subject line. You may not get the answer your looking for, but have fun with it!

IT'S RAINING PUSSY

Every day I check my email I have loads of messages saying the following: 12 women in your town want to meet you tonight or Hi, my name is Janie and I saw your profile on the internet and Horny single woman wants to fuck you tonight or DRC I'm available tonight call me. From the way they read ole DRC ought to be able to have a long list of women, all I need to do is a little window shopping on a couple of websites and....and it don't work like that!
I decided to go undercover and join one of the major sites to see what was going on. Do you notice they lure you in with some hot looking women, well most of that is fake pussy. If you contact them it leads you to another site wanting you to join it. I got a few replies from women that lived 1200 miles away from me, they said hi and thanks for the compliments, but I'm not driving 1200 miles to get some. I received no replies from anyone local and to be truthful I'm glad most of them didn't. I did get a reply from a woman in Russia, a very beautiful lady. It was one of those scam letters they do wanting you to send money so they can fly over to meet you, fuck that! Most of the women have not checked their profile in months. They want you to believe that there are more women than men looking for sex, when in reality it's probably 25 men to every woman.
I'm sure there are people every day hooking up on these sites, but I bet the biggest part of them don't. There is one thing I've discovered about pussy, when you really want it you can't find it. Is there a signal that it gives out when a dick comes by? Lookout here comes a dick everyone hide.
I guess it's off to the Ramada Inn to hit on some desperate, drunk, unhappy at home, drunk, ain't had sex in a year, drunk, watched too much Lifetime TV, drunk women.

Monday, May 01, 2006

ABBY

About 3 weeks after my first wife and I got divorced, I got a call from a girl I went to high school with. It had been 8 years since graduation and she had moved away before the year was over. Abby was a beautiful girl in school, always smiling and nice to everyone, she was the girl you took home to meet your mother. We never dated in school, just good friends.
During our conversation she told me she had just moved back to town and was getting a divorce from her husband. I asked her if she would like to go to dinner one evening just to cry on each others shoulders and talk. She accepted my invitation and we made plans for the next evening.
Abby had rented an older apartment where a lot of retired people lived. It was nothing spectacular but it was kept up very nice. She lived on the top floor and every step I took on the stairs squeaked and sounded like it would fall through. I reached her apartment and knocked on the door and when it opened there stood Abby, more beautiful than I remembered.
She gave me a quick kiss and told me to wait in the living room while she finished getting dressed. From the couch I could see her reflection in a hallway mirror. I watched her walk around her bedroom, going from one side to the next, brushing her hair and finishing her make up. She took off her shirt and placed it on the bed then reached to unsnap her bra, as soon as she removed it she glanced toward the mirror and noticed me watching. She walked to a part of the bedroom that couldn't be seen from the mirror and called for me.
"Oh shit" I thought to myself, "I've just embarrassed the crap out her". I walked to the bedroom to find her putting on a robe, "I know we have plans to go out" she said "But when I saw you looking at me in the mirror I felt something". "I know" she continued "That we have not seen each other in a while, but I always wanted to go out with you in school and..." She paused "I really want to be with you tonight". "Well," I replied "I can't think of anywhere else I want to be".
She stepped toward me and I placed my arms around her waist, as her lips touched mine I felt my body tingling all over. I slid my hands down her waist feeling the curves of her body as she pressed her pussy harder against my growing cock. She let out a moan as my hands pressed into her ass, I held her firmly pulling her down with me on the bed.
I could feel her heartbeat get quicker as she rubbed my cock through my pants. I let my hand slide under her robe and follow the contour of her ass down to her pussy. As my finger entered her wet cunt, she arched her back, pushing against my hand to drive my finger even deeper inside of her. As she raised up her robe opened exposing her breast, I leaned up far enough to reach her nipples with my tongue. Her breathing was very heavy and I couldn't stand the pressure of my cock bulging in my pants. I rolled her over on her back and as I knelt in front of her, she unbuttoned my pants and grabbed my swelled cock.
She pulled my cock toward her and placed her lips around it while she teased the head of it with her tongue. I almost exploded in her mouth at that moment and I struggled hard not to cum, but I wanted my cock in her pussy badly. I pulled my cock away from her and she immediately spread her legs and pulled my body down to hers. My cock entered her pussy without any effort, she then grabbed my ass with her hands and pulled me hard into her, she was screaming loudly with every stroke of my cock. "Oh my god" she screamed "It's been so long since,Oh god... fuck me baby! Hard baby! haarrdd..." She was struggling to talk between breaths and her bed was rocking violently "Oh baby your making me cum..." I could take it no longer and I exploded in her cunt, her nails dug into my ass as she pulled me deep inside of her, my cock was throbbing in her pussy, emptying every drop of cum I had. I pressed my lips against hers for one last passionate kiss, then both our bodies went limp.
Out of breath and completely lifeless we lay on her bed, Abby leans toward me and gives me a gentle kiss "You know," she said "I didn't plan on this but I'm glad it happened" she continued "I always thought you were cute in school" "Well" I replied "I thought you was the prettiest girl in school, I was too chicken to ask you out" "Maybe it was better you didn't" she said "You wouldn't have had this much fun back then, I stayed a virgin until I got married." Well" I said "I guess I held out long enough."
We passed on dinner that night and decided to stay in bed. I stayed with Abby that night and the next morning I offered to go get breakfast for us. She walked me down the creaky steps of her apartment and we were met by the older lady who live below her. "Hi dearie, is this your friend that was staying with you last night?" embarrassed somewhat Abby replied "I'm sorry Mrs. Edmonds, I hope we didn't disturb you." "Oh my goodness no dearie" Mrs. Edmonds replied "I listened for a while and found myself getting a little aroused so I asked Mr.Perkins from across the hall if he would like to come over for some coffee and between the coffee and the sounds from your apartment he got his first erection in 15 years." "Well that's great" Abby said "Sounds like you had a wonderful time also." "Oh my yes," said Mrs.Edmonds "oh and by the way honey, is your friend is coming over again tonight? "Yes" said Abby "He will be here, why?" Mrs.Edmonds grinned slightly and replied "Mr. Perkins was wanting to have coffee again!"
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